my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
