if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
