I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize