The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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