At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
