omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
