I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I want is dick and wine.
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