Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
