I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize