i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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