feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
