so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
