i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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