Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
