just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
