What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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