If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
