You work out of a Hotel?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
