I cannot find my penis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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