using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
