Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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