I think I died a long time ago.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize