i permit you to call me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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