What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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