I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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