the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
