The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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