She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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