sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
