I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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