Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
