So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
where are my eyebrows?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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