you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize