I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
