You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ladies don't puke and tell
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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