non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize