Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
