I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize