Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
