'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
