you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
