She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
