I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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