Are we in a gay sports bar?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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