I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize