Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
