you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
