Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize