I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
