oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dignity is for republicans.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
