I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize