I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
