You just made me feel so damn special
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
