it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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