Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
