They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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