so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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