I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
