you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize