i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
