Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
