He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
