I want to make a zoo with you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
