My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
