Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
