I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize