are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
