i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
