after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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