I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
