Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
