ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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