Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
