the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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