The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
