I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
