Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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