he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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