You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize