she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
PANTIES FOUND
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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