It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
