Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
