don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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