The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
