i just wanna soil my oats bro
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
