the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
