Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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