dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
