Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
