I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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