Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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