sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
