I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
