A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
