I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
